Friday, April 24, 2020

Nostradumbass


You have heard of Nostradamus, the 16th century physician and seer. He studied for about a year before having to discontinue his studies due to the plague. He worked as an apothecary for many years after and developed a "rose pill" to treat a later outbreak of the plague. Later yet, he worked as a physician's assistant, again treating plague victims. Soon after, he moved to the occult.

Flash forward 450 years, and we have a new one. Introducing:


Nostradumbass 


He's a seer! “It’s going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.”

He's a physician! "Take it (hydroxychloroquine). What do you have to lose?"

He's a certifiable dumbass!

Nothing surprises us anymore. But our collective jaws dropped when this happened on Thursday.




Immediately, the manufactures of Lysol and Clorox issued warnings. Please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don't ingest our products!

And on cue, he and his fan club turned themselves in to pretzels to try to defend their demi-god.

"He was promoting a legit endoscopic UV light treatment!" came the voices. Okayyyy....Where are the studies? Cuz even in this more benign light-therapy hypothesis, there ain't no evidence-based treatments using internal light to treat a viral infection. And....ummm.... where do we put the scope, exactly??

"It was taken out of context!" they then screeched. What context? There is context right before our very eyes. WE CAN HEAR HIM AND SEE HIM AS HE IS TALKING. Do you not understand this? There are multiple LIVE cameras on him with real microphones collecting his every sniff!

"Ah, come on! He was just joking!" came the next twist.

SCROTUS himself doubled down (sigh. of course he did.) stating that his statements were part of an elaborate prank he wanted to play on reporters.

OOOOohhh!  Hahahah! Great job, supposed leader of the free world! What a great time to joke around! Haha, yeah, people sick and dying everywhere, much fear throughout the land, with plenty of people desperate enough to try anything to prevent or treat this scourge. I sure do appreciate a good, sarcastic prank during global pandemics! Don't we all!?

And then. The memes. Thank the gods for the meme-makers.

























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And Randy!!



Stay safe out there, friends. Don't drink bleach.



1 comment:

  1. After he said the stupidest thing he has ever said (And of course, to do that took a lot of effort and research), He was then upset at everyone else and cut his next briefing short.

    I do not want anyone else to get sick or die, but here is what I believe is going to happen.
    Very very few people will try disinfectant.
    Some cities and states will open too soon, and their curve will go up again, slowly at first, and then more rapidly.
    We will all go back inside and spend most of the summer there.
    Trump will blame everyone except himself.
    I was hoping for a blue wave in November to enact legislation regarding voting rights and gerrymandering to start with and then work backwards on undoing what Trump has done.
    Whoever wins in November, is inheriting a mess that will be impossible to clean, no matter how many Clorox wipes you have.

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