Trial and Tribulations

Mike Luckovich

We have a trial!

I have been on the road for six and a half weeks, when I was either driving or blogging about driving. Now, back for a week and having gotten life back to routine, I can catch up on the trial and the tribulations that have faced the country for the last couple months!

THE TRIAL

The first indicted charges against SCROTUS have turned out to be the first litigated. Indicted in March of 2023, Pumpkin McPornhumper is now in court, facing 34 felony counts of creating fraudulent business records regarding the hush-money payment of $130,000 to porn star Stormy Daniels, with whom he shared a sexual dalliance in July, 2006. The payoff was designed to hide information from the voters during the 2016 presidential election. 

You recall that the payment was laundered through Al Caporn's attorney and "fixer" Michael Cohen, who at one time was a staunch loyalist but has since plead guilty to his part in the illegal payoff scheme. He has turned – hard – against his former boss.

The hush money wasn't a crime in itself, but the way the money was used amounted to election interference. Tanny Soprano falsified business records to cover it up, and this tips the plot into felony territory.

The charges are brought by the state of New York and is being handled in a Manhattan courtroom, overseen by Judge Juan Merchan. Lead prosecutor is NY District Attorney Alvin Bragg. Darth Tax Evader is represented by a team of three attorneys, Todd Blanche, Emil Bove (pronounced bo-vay), and Susan Necheles (pronounced necklace).

The trial got underway April 15 with jury selection. Though pundits had predicted that seating a jury would be difficult and take weeks, 12 jurors and six alternates were seated within days. 

Finally, the wheels of justice really started picking up speed.

So far, we've seen most of the prosecution's case.

THE JURY

Politico gave us a snapshot of the members of the jury:

There’s a salesperson from West Harlem, an engineer from the Upper West Side, a businessperson from Murray Hill, two lawyers, two people who work in education and two people who work in finance. That’s in addition to a health care worker, a product manager and a tech worker. Many of them get their news from their hometown paper, The New York Times. Three are married without kids. (Who can afford them in New York these days?) And many of them come from elsewhere: Ohio, Oregon, California, even Ireland.

I learned that among them is a speech therapist! Woooo!

Manhattan trends liberal, and Biden won the borough with 87% of the vote.This alone does not bode well for the defendant. They have all stated that they can be fair and impartial jurors, however, and indicated in voir dire that they don't have an opinion of him.

The jurors' names are secret. We may never know who they are. If they are smart, they will not publicize who they are ever ever ever. 

Read a little about what the jury sees vs. the rest of us. 

THE WITNESSES

There have been familiar and unfamiliar witnesses testifying for the prosecution. Here we look at a few of them.

Hope Hicks

Ms. Hicks was one of 45's most trusted and staunchly loyal aides. She was there under subpoena; she sure didn't want to be there. She even cried on the stand. There she was, though, and she gave some damaging testimony.

Courtroom sketch artist's rendering of Hicks on the stand

Her testimony included the fact that the campaign was panicked over the Access Hollywood tape and its possible effect on women voters, which goes toward motive for wanting to cover up the Stormy Daniels piece.

Hicks verified that they wanted to button up Daniels before the election in order to influence the election. Boom. Illustrates motive and moves the crimes to the felony column.

She also testified that Ranta Claus told her that Cohen had paid Stormy Daniels "out of the goodness of his heart" -- which didn't jibe with what she knew about Cohen. 

Here is more about Hicks's testimony from the Washington Post.

David Pecker

Mr. Pecker is the publisher of the National Enquirer. He was the first witness to testify. A good pal of T****, he outlined his attempts to quash unflattering stories about his friend, specifically about the deal with Karen McDougal, a year-long affair partner. In coordination with Don the Con, Pecker organized the "catch and kill" scheme in which the Enquirer paid for McDougal's story of the affair and then never published it. 

Pecker also testified that he knew that the $130,000 payment to Ms. Daniels was illegal, as it was coordinated with the presidential campaign and went against campaign finance laws. 

Yes, please. More testimony like this, please.

Here is more about Pecker's testimony from Politico. 

Keith Davidson

Mr. Davidson is a lawyer who helped arrange the deals with both Karen McDougal and Stormy Daniels. He also testified that he knew that those stories would damage the hungry, hungry hypocrite's campaign. Here is more about Davidson's testimony from The New York Times.

Gary Farro

Mr. Farro was a bank executive who oversaw the creation of Michael Cohen's fake LLC, which Cohen used as cover for the payments to Daniels. Farro testified that on an application, Cohen claimed that the LLC would not be associated with political fundraising. Farro assisted Cohen in creating an account for the LLC, which was then funded with a home equity loan on Cohen's home. It was from this account that Cohen made the payments to Daniels. Read more about Farro's testimony in the New York Times. 

Stormy Daniels

Then came the storm. 

Walt Handelsman

Ms. Daniels is the person at the center of the scheme, and boy did she spill the beans. She recounted in great detail the sexual encounter she had with the defendant in 2006. Some clutched their pearls at her testimony (wait, what? It's not just locker room talk?). They called it "salacious" and "lurid." Using those words only makes it salacious and lurid.

To my thinking, it was simply a retelling of an event. She was asked questions. She answered them. This perspective from Anita Chabria makes more sense to me than the horrified whispers of "What did she just say?!" 

Which is worse, the man who preys on women and brags about it, or the woman who has sex when she wants to and talks about it openly, without shame? Let's normalize women consensually participating in sex. Let's demonize sexual predation and abuse.

There was some talk that Ms. Daniels's testimony contained too much detail, which may have unfairly influenced the jury. Legally, it may be an opening for an appeal. Practically? Bring it on, woman!

The defendant has denied ever having sex with Ms. Daniels, but after her detailed recounting of the tryst, there is no doubt that it happened as she said it did. 

Michael Cohen

Michael Cohen is an important witness, though a somewhat problematic one.

Nick Anderson

Cohen was at the center of the plot, aiding and abetting his boss's campaign finance violations. He pled guilty for his part in the hush-money scheme and served more than two years in jail time and home confinement. 

This fact, to me, makes him more credible. He plead guilty to the crime! He didn't try to lie his way out of it during a trial. Plus, his lies were chiefly on behalf of and in coordination with his boss. Being guilty of tax fraud and bank fraud, though, makes him problematic because he is an admitted liar. He lied for Colludacris a lot. Yes, he's an absolute jerk. The jury will have to decide if "once a liar, always a liar," and weigh his testimony.

Courtroom reporters have said that the jury is responding well to his testimony, and the prosecutors did a good job of setting the expectations regarding Cohen and his testimony. But in the end, he is just there to corroborate the documents. Those don't lie.

The one who is not there: Allen Weisselberg

Another of the schemers is Allen Weisselberg, former chief financial officer of the T**** Organization. He sadly won't testify. He is on Riker's Island, serving time for purjury in Douchelini civil fraud trial. This, after already serving time for committing tax fraud on behalf of the T**** Organization. 

Gee, what a great bunch this candidate has surrounded himself with!

We do, however, have a secret recording where Weisselberg is referenced – and in which we hear the defendant's own voice – that illustrates Cohen, Weisselberg, and TЯUMP's plans for the catch and kill ruse. This recording undermines the defendant's assertion that Cohen went rogue in these matters.

He's a bit of a problematic witness. He is on neither the prosecution's nor the defense's witness list. The judge has toyed with the idea of bringing Weisselberg in to testify. That would be great!

THE IMAGES

There are no cameras in the courtroom, so we have to rely on a courtroom sketch artist to show us what is happening. I dunno, I wonder if there was a better artist available? I'm not so fond of the sketches, but hey! they didn't ask me to choose. In any case, here are a bunch o' sketches from Yahoo News. Just one is below.

LET ONE RIP VAN WINKLE (thanks, Jimmy Kimmel!)

Barry Blitt

Let me ask you, if you were on trial, just as you are today, never mind being a former president, never mind all eyes on you worldwide, would you be nodding off at the defense table? No?

Courtroom artist's sketch

Well, this defendant has been sleeping frequently during the trial proceedings. Forbes has compiled a list of when he has slept or struggled to stay awake. It's weird and shameful. 

Jack Ohman

Apparently, he's also been farting quite a bit. I'll let Jimmy and Stephen tell you about it (and bonus, tons of "Kristi Noem: Puppy Killer" jokes from Colbert):

THE PROSECUTION RESTS

The prosecution's case is just about to rest. Next it'll be the defense's turn. The $130,000 question: will the Toot Fairy himself testify? He has said that he will. But in case you haven't heard, he lies. And further, he does have the right to remain silent but deadly (again, thanks to Kimmel for that gag).

Jack Ohman

THE DEFENSE

Out in public, his defense has been all over the place, as is his custom: he didn't have ever sex with Ms. Daniels, but if he did, he just didn't want his wife to find out about it. Or, if he did, Cohen went rogue and made the hush payments all on his own out of the goodness of his heart, but Cohen is hateful and spiteful and out to get him, but Cohen lies a lot so don't believe a word he says, but the checks to Cohen that he signed with his own sharpie were for legit legal expenses, but the accountants did it. 

THE GAG ORDER 

Jimmy Kimmel Live

No, not that gag order. The one that Judge Merchan ordered for the defendant to shut his pie hole (not his other hole). The defendant has repeatedly violated the order to the point that the judge has fined him $10,000 for 10 violations. The judge has also threatened jail time. Please please please! We want this! 

The gag order prohibits BLOATUS from attacking the judge, his staff, the prosecutors, the witnesses, or families of those individuals. Remember, gag orders are commonplace. They are put in place to protect the integrity of the court proceedings and the safety of those involved. 

Groper Cleveland has wined and cried in front of cameras about the unfairness, nay the unconstitutionality, of the gag order. He has not swayed the judge, nor an appeals court. So, of course, he does what he does best. He took it to a higher court. 

Awww, honey. You'll find this court is 'out to get you' too. They will rule that the order is right and proper and you owe the money and you need to shut the eff up. Sorry to say.

THE YUGE SUPPORTING CROWDS OF MAGAts PROTESTING OUTSIDE THE COURTHOUSE

** crickets **

THE SYCKENING SYCOPHANTS

In an attempt to get around the gag order, and to make up for the lack of minions outside, Mar-a-Lardo has trotted out several of his sycophants, taking them away from their congressional and other governmental duties, dressing them up to be mini-mes, and setting them in front of cameras to spout his nonsense for him. This gets around *his* gag order but certainly flies in the face of the part prohibiting "directing others to make statements."

Matt Wuerker

Who has appeared? It was a legit parade of old white trash: Sens. Tommy Tuberville (Ala.), J.D. Vance (Ohio), Reps. Nicole Malliotakis (N.Y.), Cory Mills (Fla.), Matt Goetz (Fla.), Lauren Boebert (Colo.), Andy Biggs (Ariz.), Reps. from Florida Cory Mills and Byron Donalds, North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum, as well as former presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, no doubt there to continue his audition for V.P. There were many others, including the actual Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson (La.). 

Some of the more odious aspects of this stunt:

• Julius Squeezer was seen editing their speeches. 
• The disgusting Matt Goetz colored his statement with the brush from the Proud Boys when he tweeted, "Standing back and standing by, Mr. President." Lord I despise that man.
• Each and every one has parroted the Commander-in-Beef's lies.
• The freaking Speaker of the 435-member United States House of Representatives is out there on the streets of New York – not in Washington D.C., where his job is – echoing lies about the judge's daughter and all the stupid "weaponized justice department" nonsense. Meanwhile, votes are being postponed in Congress because the ones The People have hired to do the work are participating in this ludicrous performance art.
  

Bill Bramhall

Ann Telnaes

THE TRIBULATIONS

There's been other news, particularly regarding the Supreme Court of the United States: the members and their cases. Voter rights, abortion rights, ethics have all been in the news. SCOTUS will soon be looking at the presidential immunity question, too. Stay tuned. We will look at all that will be in a future post. 

For now....

THE PEOPLE'S RESPONSE

OK, folks. Your regular reminder: you know what we need to do. We have six months to get ready. Let's gear up for the protest of our lives.

Jack Ohman

#RESIST!

Thanks to Jimmy Kimmel for many of this post's nicknames