The President's* Speech

"Oh, folks but lately I have been spotted
With a Big Mac on my breath
Stumbling into a Colonel Sanders
With a face as white as death
I'm aftraid someday they'll find me
Just stretched out on my bed
With a handful of Pringles potato chips
And a Ding Dong by my head"  - Larry Groce





I'm following up on my post about the Rabid Yam's slurring a week ago. When I wrote my post, I only knew he that had had difficulties during his Jerusalem speech and that the Whitewash House's official explanation was "dry throat." I suggested that he may have had a transient ischemic attack and, further, that small, mostly imperceptible brain infarcts have caused the dementia which accounts for his behaviors. Now I visit others' analyses.

Many writers suggested that perhaps the orange scourge has ill-fitting dentures.  I didn't address this in my thoughts, because frankly, I didn't think of it!  I don't believe I've seen ill-fitting dentures cause speech problems quite like that. I tried to find if anyone knows if he wears dentures. I found this article from The Atlanta Center for Cosmetic Dentistry which pegged his smile as porcelain veneers, not dentures.

Others have weighed in, treating the issue rather mildly, to my surprise. CNN's article does quote both a Physician and a Speech-Language Pathologist. It's a good write up of the possibilities, but of course, being more restrained than me, they don't offer a diagnosis. ;-)  See the article here.

Andy Borowitz has an excellent explanation, as explained in his New Yorker column:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J.Trump slurred his speech during his announcement about Jerusalem on Wednesday because of “low-battery issues” with Vladimir Putin’s remote, the White House said on Friday. 

Speaking to the White House press corps, the press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said that Trump’s slurred speech was “a case of what happens when President Putin doesn’t change the batteries in his remote frequently enough.” 

“President Trump makes public appearances several times a day,” Sanders said. “In the course of those appearances, President Putin’s remote can drain its battery very quickly.” 

Calling Putin’s remote-control operation of Trump “far from glitch-free,” Sanders said that there have also been problems with the Russian leader’s attempts to control Trump’s thumbs when he tweets in the early-morning hours. 

“Sometimes President Putin has tried to operate President Trump’s thumbs and there has been the same low-battery issue,” she said. “This has resulted in random capital letters, misspellings, and, in some cases, gibberish.” 

Sanders scolded the press for speculating that Trump’s slurred speech was the result of problems with dentures or his brain. “We are working with tech support to resolve the issue,” she said.

And I include these, because truly, we gotta laugh to keep from crying.







The day after his speech, the Whitewash house announced that he will have a "full physical" at Walter Reed next month. Maybe even by a real doctor!  I've referenced it before, but his pre-election medical report is quite an entertaining document. If you have read any one single physician report, you know that this was ghost-written by Donnie himself. The letter, signed by his personal gastroenterologist, is below.  Here is an excellent analysis from The Atlantic about how bizarre and far-fetched this "medical report" is. I encourage you to read it.

In my early, woefully inaccurate prediction as to the End of his Days, I acknowledged that "death" could be the cause of the end of his Presidency.  Yanno, it may be close to reality.  It's common knowledge -- even Faux News reports -- that his diet consists of Big Macs and buckets of KFC. But come on, he balances all that!  He drinks 12 diet Cokes a day. **Diet!**  Give him credit!

As for exercise, Donnie himself has stated to Dr. Oz (full interview here) that his exercise consists of making speeches while "making a lot of motion" in a room that "is like a sauna." Oh, I can hear you now. "Be fair, Little Sister! He also drives those golf carts around the links!" Ok, ok, that's true. He also has a brilliant theory that exercise depletes one's energy, which is finite. So, he's just storing it up! He'll live forever.

Or not. He may have a stroke tomorrow. He gets Doug Jones in his Senate! (Thank you, Alabama! You did the right thing.)


Thanks for reading, and keep up the resistance! We're doing it!